If you’ve been on Instagram, you’ve seen all the 2020 photo recaps as celebrities share pictures of themselves as we’ve gone through this virus. What we thought 2020 would be vs. the tragedy that has unveiled while it lingers on. These pictures, although a comedic in intent, provide a real look at the anxiety and stress that most of us are feeling.
I’ve had that same sentiment myself. I haven’t been able to publish a blog or work on my other writing in several weeks. Even during my normal summer hiatus, I’ve tried to at least publish something once a month. But this time, I’m distracted. Though my stress may not compete with those in tougher situations, I do feel it.
For me, it’s the distracted-ness that comes in the form of an inability to craft my thoughts on paper. I simply cannot focus enough to write a coherent paragraph or push an idea to completion.
And If That Wasn’t Enough
Add to that stress the fact that my youngest is going to college. And he is going to college vs. taking online classes. We will take him in a few days, and already, I’ve had many an episode where a torrent of tears cannot be stopped.
It’s the end of a cycle, I know that.
With my oldest already living in another city, working and fulfilling his dreams, now with my youngest on his way to living his, my husband and I are soon to be empty nesters. And where I would normally have some positive spin on the topic, my anguish sits in my throat and the positivity is not ready to pulse through my fingertips.
Being a parent is an incredible journey. When our children get to the age where their dreams must be lived by them alone, saying that goodbye is extremely hard.
And when a break, in that tension, can’t come from the fanfare of fun college prep shopping excursions, a summer of road trips, or visits to family, the entire experience feels rush and even gypped. I’m wrapped in the anxiety of everything from the fact that I’ll miss him to the sadness that his college experience is not what I want it to be.
And if it wasn’t enough, now I have to worry too about his health, about washing hands, attempts at social distancing, and clean facilities all around him. Stress is piling on top of each other like the zombies from the movie, World War Z.
We can’t cross that wall on our own. Somewhere, somehow, we’ve got to TRUST.
And I know that, fundamentally.
But, I’m too mired and comfortable in my anxiety to look for a way around just yet. The remaining words for 2020 can only be one word: hopeful. And I will strive to get to that word. But definitely, begrudgingly, not before I drop him off…