Two weeks ago, I wrote a blog on awareness and listening to your body. If you listened, chances are your body might have been asking for more water, more exercise, more rest, more time for meditation, etc.
Using our awareness can direct us to positive change as we begin to remind ourselves of certain to-do’s as we go about our day. For me, it was being more cognizant of the foods that I ate. Unchecked though, that awareness can quickly turn into an unexpected barrage of guilt.
The Prescription Stage
Awareness is followed by what I like to call the prescription stage. AKA, everyone tells you what to do.
In your “awareness,” you decide to share your goal of “being healthier,” with your best friend, nutritionist, trainer at the gym, family, etc. Now instead of just your own consciousness advising you, you have a host of people reminding you of how you should do “x,” to achieve the goal of “y.”
And if that wasn’t enough, social media too will start peddling its influence as you’ll have no doubt followed a bunch of people that share in your goal. Instagram says drink 24 oz. of water. Your mom tells you to eat more vegetables. Your spouse reminds you of your commitment to work out. A list of prescriptions follows.
Every single one of them starts with the word, “should.”
The Guilt Trip Stage
As a writer, it’s no secret that I love words. Onomatopoeia is one of my favorite words both for its definition and the way it sounds. But. every now and then, an unsuspecting word funnels into our dialog, our blogs, and our life. A once benign word, now the word “should,” is the king of the guilt trip.
Here’s the definition straight from the Oxford Dictionary: “used to indicate obligation, duty, or correctness, typically when criticizing someone’s actions.”
“Should,” is self-criticism disguised as self-awareness. It’s like patting yourself on the back for being more aware while at the same time yelling at yourself for not doing so.
- I should be eating healthy foods.
- I should be working out.
- I should be drinking more water.
Finish each of those sentences above. I should be eating healthy foods but I’m not. I should be working out but I’m not. I should be drinking more water but I’m not.
That is classic negative self-talk. It’s a way that we talk down to ourselves. It’s a way of inducing guilt on ourselves (or others) for something that we think we ought to be doing. Instead of feeding that monster, when a thought like that crosses your mind, do something about it!
The Action Stage
Instead of “I should be drinking more water;” stop. Get up. Go drink some water.
Van Gogh said it best, “If you hear a voice within you saying, ‘You are not a painter,’ then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced.”
If your goal is to be healthy, then stop, get up, and make a healthy choice, right then! Action, especially in the present tense, carries more power and adds more value to your life than negative thoughts in your head.
Life is not about should. Life is meant to be directed (in the now). By you! Direct yourself. Instead of saying, I should be careful about driving or eating right or working out. Change the sentence, change the narrative, to “I am….”
“I AM,” carries a lot of power.
- I am healthy because I am drinking water (now).
- I am a healthy eater because right now, I am choosing an apple.
- I am healthy because I plan to work out at exactly 5 pm today.
- I am an amazing cook because I make it a point to try a new recipe each week.
Discipline yourself to hear your “shoulds,” and modify them into timely action statements without the “should.” Be concrete. And stick to it. The more it can be done in the now, the better. The more that you opt to remove the power of the negative self-talk, the more you will command your life, vs. making yourself feel guilty for not doing so.
Besides something like our health, we use also guilt as a way to motivate ourselves: I should be looking into that business opportunity. I should be learning new skills. But it’s much more effective to just stop the thought, and take the action, right then, in even the smallest possible way. Immediately you will drop the guilt AND feel better about taking action!
Resources: Has Your History Hijacked Your Present?