Recently in my town, the city began construction of a new facility. Through this construction process, they discovered unidentified human remains. The Texas Historical Commission archaeological team has identified that a historic cemetery must have existed in that space over 100-150 years ago. Now, construction has stopped until they can assess more details*.
This local story made me wonder how long should we let history play a part in our present? Examining events from a political lens can easily turn into a debate. However, if we focus only on ourselves, is there a way to examine our personal evolution or gauge if we are too stuck in the past?
Emotional progress, though difficult to quantify, can be preempted by a simple question: Are you happier in 2018? Initially, a gut reaction of an emphatic “yes”/ “no” can provide a holistic impression. However, to dig deeper, we need to consider the impact of our memories: How much am I letting my history affect my (current) story?
Has your history hijacked your present?
A memory can be a worthwhile lesson, a moment of pride or joy, a painful reminder or worse, a burden of resentment that we carry around for the rest of our lives. How long should our past affect the present?
Key Questions to ask yourself:
- Do you tell the same stories repeatedly of how someone wronged you or hurt you?
- Do you hold on to grudges? To failures? To disappointments? To bitterness?
- Do you rekindle bad memories every time you pass a certain place? And thereby never let any new memories begin there?
- Do you remember and replay upsetting events, mentally admonishing fate or the guilty party (again)?
- Do you chide yourself for wrong decisions you’ve made in the past?
- Do you test people to see how they (will likely) disappoint you again?
- Do you look for reasons to be offended (from those who have offended you before)?
- Are you holding on to any of the above that occurred prior to 2018? Last month? Last week? Yesterday?
If you answered yes to questions above, you may be carrying that heavy load of hurt, limiting beliefs and negative self-talk right into 2019. Wayne Dyer famously said, “There are no justified resentments.” There is a high price of staying firm in our resentment. If we always hold on to past, we have no ability to move forward.
How to Break Free
With the coming of the new year, set an intention to break free from your history. Our evolution relies on the progress that can come from letting go (and forgiving) that person, forgetting that hurtful event, and/or releasing the pain we may be carrying around. Quit fighting the same old battles and create the space to tell a new story.
Smile more. Accept more. Practice tolerance more. Hope more. Be silly more. Practice gratitude more often. Give the benefit of the doubt more often. Relinquish your (negative) history as if it were a book you read long ago… and now can toss aside. If it suits you, come up with a new made-up story and claim that as your history instead! Release old emotional patterns once and for all, to focus on new growth & new opportunities.
History is a part of us, but how we allow it to affect our present is our choice. It has no power in our present unless we allow it to have that power.
Or easier still, imagine if painful memories equaled debt and good memories equaled wealth. Which will you line your pockets with & carry into 2019? How does your story begin in 2019?
“The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe.” ~ Albert Einstein
Happy Holidays!
– Roopal Badheka
*Note: By writing this essay, I mean no disrespect to the graves or the process that the city decides to follow. No one has asked me to write this blog. I’ve written simply for the exploration of a philosophical idea.