One of my favorite things is to meet people for the first time. I enjoy the process of deconstructing people: the way they think, their needs/desires, their style and manner of speaking, and their sense of selves. It’s deeply satisfying to me when there is a meeting of the minds and a collective synergy unfurls. When someone new becomes your best bud by the end of a meeting, an activity, or a social event, it’s like a small personal achievement.
We achieved a connection.
Instead of meeting with people as a necessary evil to job hunting, think of networking as a way to learn more about yourself. Start conversations first to communicate, but then to find that connection. Whether it is simply to agree, or in some cases, as was politically motivated in Socrates time, to disagree, and to gain an alternate perspective.
Intuitively, we constantly search for commonalities. But if we converse openly, putting all affectations aside, we can pursue a line of questioning that is richer and truer to us. Conversations, that meander but stay focused a genuine interest about each other, unveil something more. Both parties listen and engage more than hurried conversations that stay in the peripheries.
As we relax and open up, we gain understanding of what we value, both by our answers and others’ responses. Do your part in pulling the strings of a conversation forward. Be patient but mindful.
We’ve all been in situations where we don’t remember how we got to the topic of our greatest fears. And yet we did. We were relaxed, and let the conversation flow without judgment. And now we are sharing our soul with the person sitting next to us on a six-hour flight. We’ve created a connection that is both meaningful and memorable.
A bonus is that we learn about ourselves during these exploratory conversations. Those ad hoc lengthy conversations also hold the promise of the unexpected. Especially in conversations at the end of a night where we get to the meat of who we are. Why do I do this job and put up with all the nonsense? Seriously, why do I?
There are other ways to learn about ourselves: meditation and journal writing. But the questions that come from others can be like loaded missiles. Even if we don’t answer our questioner, the question will linger in our minds for weeks. Where is my career going? And why don’t I know? The question percolates until the moment is right. Rarely, if ever, do we ask ourselves questions so tough.
Both in business and peer/social situations, you may surprise yourself if you stay committed to a conversation and answer in truth. Especially in serial networking situations, after receiving a slew of canned responses, people are refreshed by honesty more than fluff. And in the process, your self-awareness and authenticity will emerge. This, in turn, can blossom into a long-lasting mutually beneficial relationship vs. just another shallow contact on your phone or a contender for the business card graveyard.
Happy Conversing!