The power of positive thinking has become a cornerstone for personal and professional life balance and success. But when we are having a dreadful day, a positive attitude eludes even the best of us. Those days, when everything confronts our patience, that ability is no more than a whimsical textbook theory, leaving us screaming out loud If I could be positive, I would!
The fact of the matter is that the search for positivity some days is impossible. When I have those days, I immediately go to Plan B.
Step #1: Drop the guilt.
The 1st step of Plan B is to drop the guilt of not feeling positive or having a positive outlook about my situation. I don’t fight the battle within myself of trying to be upset AND trying to be positive. It is simply not possible. Layering guilt and negative self-talk, I shouldn’t be feeling this way, on top of feeling bad, does not add value. No one can dictate what we should or should not be feeling.
Step #2: Choose wisely.
Even so, feelings are a choice. Since I have already given myself 100% permission to feel without any guilt, I can openly decide to be upset. Now I can choose to cave to the full throttle of emotions that I feel. Feelings of anger, resentment, disappointment are real emotions that we face due to circumstances in our lives.
When circumstances are beyond our control, we can permit ourselves to feel discouraged, wallow in pity, or be irritable because all emotions have value. Covering up those feelings in fake positive thinking doesn’t allow us the time to process them. It’s perfectly acceptable to honor the bad day.
Step #3: Let it pass but set a time frame.
Now, the objective is feel those feelings and get through the emotional journey. Sometimes it’s a temper tantrum or just the ability to complain without any judgments (from myself or others). Other times, I give myself a time out and take some time to sit in silence or go for a walk. Meditation is an effective tool ~ but only if my mind can stop repeating Why did this happen to me? One of the most effective techniques I have found is to have a hard workout. Using up the mental angst by equally grueling physical activity is an effective trade.
Once I give myself the latitude of expressing the feelings, I then set a time frame for pulling myself back to “normal.” That period of time is directly proportional to level of the situation. I can give myself an hour, half a day, or 24 hours. Either way, once I set the time frame, I do my best not to be upset past it. Eventually, we all tire of feeling bad, and can find our rhythm again. It’s our natural tendency not to want to be upset. Having a defined period accelerates the process. We simply can’t be upset forever.
Step #4: Invite (& intend) the improvement… gradually.
Feelings are meant to be the catalyst for better thoughts. When we process thoughts of why we dislike certain situations, we are also inviting the exact opposite scenarios into our lives by our strong desire for improvement.
If you have an awful day, you are inviting a better day for tomorrow. If you despise the outcome of certain situation, you are inviting a new outcome or a different situation to arrive another day. This is why we tell ourselves, “Tomorrow is another day,” an expression from the 16th century originally known as, “Tomorrow is a new day.” It cradles the hope for something better in the future.
Once you set an intention to be upset, and get past it within 24 hours, you can focus on what you want to improve. But, this step only comes when we are ready emotionally. If we are still angry or upset, we cannot see or feel this improvement. But once we do, our mind begins the process of methodically follows those intentions that we set for improvement.
Those desires are the catalyst for all forward movement. Eventually, the power of positive thinking will find you ~ when you are good and ready for it.