Caught in a Web of Judgment? How to Break Free...

These days, before you meet me, you can…

~ evaluate my career / education / colleague recommendations through my LinkedIn profile
~ gauge who my friends are through Facebook
~ examine books that I have read on Goodreads
~ learn everything else via Google or Bing, and/or my other social media presence

Before I speak, you can appraise the way I look, how I am dressed, the ring on my finger, the color(s) of my hair and skin. Once I say a few words, you can assess my use of language, diction, accent, and possibly culture & regional upbringing. If you met me at business conference, vs. a launch party, vs. at my sons’ schools (high school or college), various contextual impressions are borne, further painting a picture of your impressions of me.

If you have avoided any such judgments to date (good for you!), you may overhear me tell someone something like I went to temple or I recently read James Comey’s book. Now you may deduce my religious and/or political affiliation or most likely, your impression of both. If I’ve insulted a waiter or complimented a colleague, you may believe you know my personality, or even, the type of day that I am having.

Our whole lives are judged incognito, before a single one-on-one conversation takes place! Feeling envious of the blind and deaf? The secret bliss of the unaware?

That is the reality of the world we live in today. All day we form constant judgments. We claim to know people sometimes at first glance. Other times, even before the first meeting, we assess who they are. And what we don’t know, our bias and stereotypes weakly rush to fill in the blanks.

So now that we know so much about each other or in some cases, so little, does that level the playing field? Does it let us start from scratch? Because we can postulate a litany of theories… can this reason allow us to re-examine the entire premise of judgment?

Can we refrain from judging?

Maybe it’s time to abandon silent impressions. Maybe it’s time to leverage a blank slate despite knowing what we think we know. Maybe we can lay aside assumptions, and instead consider each conversation as a quest for the truth. It’s time to learn what we don’t know.

Judging from afar, in most cases, falsely judging from afar, narrows our worldview. It literally closes us off. Empty impressions proffer nothing but to distort reality.

Instead, start looking at every conversation the way an academic researcher, investigative journalist, or aspiring politician does. Let’s pretend we know nothing and instead surmise an expansive attitude:

What can I learn from you?
How can I expand my thinking because of you?
What perspective can you give me?
What new information do you hold that I may benefit from?
What can I gain from the experience of meeting you?
What am I missing?

Maybe the answer to that question is a big, fat none or nothing! But at least we can give ourselves and the other person the benefit of the doubt.

Actively adopting such an attitude is like honing a well-crafted skill. We must want to interact in that way. Being open and inclusive is not natural for most of us. Once we decide x about someone, our imaginary walls rise & we strive to find other things where we also differ. Instead, if we accept that this conversation is akin to a challenge, a game, or a puzzle, it makes the entire interaction more interesting and more memorable.

Besides, judging people all day is exhausting. Try to go one day without judging your spouse, your children, your boss, your parents, your friends, and your colleagues. Try not to judge the slow driver, the unappreciative customer, or the ignorant attendant. Let them be as they are, and refrain from all judgments. Instead learn one new interesting fact about them. Gain from the interaction in lieu of being entrapped in the sticky web of judgment.

We can never know where or how the next idea, opportunity, adventure, or personal renaissance may come from ~ but we can stay open to them!

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