At an event recently, upon hearing my background, someone remarked, “Oh, so you’re an ABCD.”
“ABCD: American-Born-Confused-Desi” was the acronym applied to the 2nd generation of Indian kids whose parents emigrated to the U.S. during the 1960’s-70’s. These U.S. born children grew up fully immersed in American society while their parents held on to Indian values & customs…thus the “confusion.” This archaic term and more so the defining purpose of the quick assessment bothered me, until I realized that we are all guilty of doing this.
The Label Filter
I’ve relished lobster rolls in Maine, Cheesesteaks in Philly, Truffle Fries in California. I’ve appreciated the beauty of the Grand Canyon, the Manhattan skyline, and the beaches in Hawaii. But I’ve also visited the Taj Mahal, more than once. And even though I’m fluent in English, my ability to understand Gujarati is better than years of school taught French. Every day, when I look in the mirror, I’m not confused about who I am at all…I’m just me! Must I really wear a label?
Every single one of us opts to designate others with labels as a natural course of meeting someone new. ABCD, Fresh off the Boat, Northerner, Southerner, Introvert, Extrovert, Democrat, Republican, or some other epithet that tries, failingly, to paint a silhouette of that person.
Besides the 1st level of “appearance” labels, we deduce further from social interactions, all towards answering the basic questions of “Are they like us (in some way) or different?” We, as human beings, resolve to find a common thread to relate and connect to those who we meet. We attempt to discern how “they” can contextually fit into our lives.
But the truth is that there is no catch-all term that dictates how a particular group will act, feel, or vote. Each person’s unique experience defies filing them into a clean, neat category. For every stereotypical characteristic, there is another that does not match.
The Label-Less Awakening
Though that “filing” process is understandable because our need to connect; it is when we dismiss others because of the lack of commonality, that we suffer. We slam the doors to our own potential expansion.
In lieu of lumping everyone we meet into groupings, let’s take every relationship, and judge it, real time, on its own merits individually. Just by actively questioning “false” perceptions of someone, their behavior may change but yours towards them definitely will.
You are more likely to give that person more leeway, utilize less judgement, and practice more understanding of their unique qualities, simply because they are label-less. Because you haven’t assigned them any pre-conceived notions, they are simply “at face value.”
Assume every engagement has intrinsic value & approach every encounter as an untainted beginning that has yet to unfold. Invite their distinctiveness to augment your perceptions. Let them reveal themselves, and then decide how you feel based on your actual interactions versus hastily drawn presumptions. This way, you both win.
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