When Saying Nothing Is The Best Strategy

If you are working a deal, asking for a promotion, or negotiating for something, are you saying too much?

At that moment in a negotiation where two parties stand toe to toe, knowing where the other stands, so many of us have learned to dance around the edges rather than addressing the crucial topic at hand.  

At first, we unconsciously practice avoidance. We love to forgo challenging parts of the discussions until later. We postpone key items to different meetings or my personal favorite, “We can table this to next week.” 

Once we cross that bridge, and decide to finally broach the difficult subject, we reach the next pitfall.  We over-discuss.   We talk, talk, and talk.  We over-explain and over-express our point of view.  We justify. We reason.

We procrastinate, on their behalf, by offering empty pleasantries, “well, let me know when you get time…”  We formulate our own excuses to ourselves, “they probably haven’t had time to really consider my offer yet,” or “he/she’s really busy.” 

And most importantly, we do what we can to avoid the awkward silence in a conversation.  Discuss the weather.  Revel in the last sports event.  Ruminate on the meaning of life. Yes, anything to soften the cavernous sound of emptiness borne of a difficult question left hanging.

But imagine if we could welcome the uncomfortable silence?  If we could focus on what we want, and keep it crisp in our minds, and allow for the empty space in the conversation.  If we could resist the temptation to speak.  What if we could let the silence itself perform magic on our behalf?

Magic happens when the other side has to fill in the space.  In our silence lies our power.  Try it.  The next time you’ve laid the terms of a deal on the table, set your pen down, fold your hands, and sit in silence.  Let your words hang in the air.  Let your expression reveal nothing but genuine expectation.  The ball in their court now.

Let the other party feel the pressure to respond. Just wait and listen.

Let them do the dance of filling up the silence. Don’t comment.

Let them talk themselves into the deal or offer a truly worthwhile response. Don’t interrupt.

Let them ask you real questions to clarify.  Don’t offer unnecessary justifications or platitudes.

Let them think.   Let them be uncomfortable.  Leverage the silence.  Savor it.  Count to 10 if you must.

Most would rather present a solution, a next step, anything vs. deal with the uncomfortableness.  Most are terrified of the meanings found in utter silence.

We all want to fill up the space because the unease in such moments is disconcerting but in reality, real progress happens in those silences.  Don’t be afraid to allow it.