My Challenges with the Simplest Form of Stress Relief

As the garage doors closed to darkness, I felt a surge of giddiness: I was finally alone!

Just over the last few years, I have come to appreciate that I thrive on the peace and quiet that comes from choosing to spend some precious time alone.

But it wasn’t always this way. For most of my life, I have enjoyed being in the thick of things, the attention magnate, and the social butterfly. Spending “time alone,” was never on my long list of to-do’s. I neither craved nor understood the importance of it back then.

More recently, however, I have endeavored to understand the mysticism of why so many self-help books, with great diversity, all tout the power of solitude, as one of the easiest ways to relieve stress & get centered.   Apparently, all of the answers to our problems are there….so I had to get there!

Starting that journey, for me, has been a tug of war between my logical, “productive,” side and the emotional “feeling” side. Giving myself space, that period of time where you are doing absolutely nothing, was challenging and counterintuitive.

I wasn’t into yoga or holistic medicine or even going all organic….if I had been, then maybe making that space, which included starting meditation, would have been a natural transition.

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Going shoe shopping ~ that was me; sitting in the silent bliss of my inner wisdom, not so much.

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I was a “real,” person trying to understand what is so great about this “stuff,” so instead the idea was more like trying to embrace the latest trend of “red plaid” this season. It may or may not work for me but I should at least try.

And yet, somehow, I was determined to figure it out. But even when I finally accepted that “I am going to meditate,” there were still some inner barriers to cross:

 

Feeling Guilty  

I felt “guilty,” for sitting there doing nothing.   It was hard to relinquish what I had been taught for years…namely, that I should be “doing,” something. Being productive is a requirement when you are a Type A, Working Mother. I can’t tell you the irony of eliminating stress by “doing nothing.”

What I learned is that sitting in peace and quiet is one of the best feelings I have ever come to experience (no chocolate needed).   My eventual dependence on the “good feelings,” easily came to override my guilt. Now, I know that it is one of the most productive things that I can actually do because it provides clarity and ease of temperament which makes me handle things much better.

 

Feeling Weird

Telling my family, “I’m going to meditate,” would feel strange (as I could be doing 100 other things) and they would kind of snicker, and roll their eyes.   But eventually they got over it (see next item), and now it’s no different for me to say, “I’m going to meditate,” like I would say, “I’m going shoe shopping.”

Once I was able to own it, there was no snickering, no rolling of the eyes.   I felt comfortable enough to do it, and then be able to say, “I’ll be gone for 30 minutes.” And now everyone knows not to bother me for that time. I’ve set a boundary and everyone has miraculously accepted it, once I had.

 

Feeling selfish

“Me time,” can often equate to “selfishness,” so my strategy was invite my family to join me. So, with high hopes, I convinced my husband and our two teenage boys that this could be our new family activity!   Wouldn’t that be great?

It went something like this.   We all sat on the couch comfortably, and I started a guided meditation. Soothing music was fine, but once the tempered, overly pacified voice kicked in…and told us to “exhale fully,” my kids lost it.

Eventually the laughter died down…and we did get through about 10 minutes of it…but the first few minutes were painful(hilarious)…and well, now, when I say, “I’m going to meditate,” no one says a word (lest they be forced into it). Problem solved.

 

Getting my brain to stop talking

Otherwise, known as “chatter.”   When there would be “space,” I would fill it with things to do… new lists and new problems to solve! I was a prolific stress generation factory….but apparently, that was the not the end goal.   The end goal was silence…and it took a lot of willpower and discipline to enforce my mind to adopt that.

“Guided meditations,” became my savior…the gentle guiding words and sound of ocean waves kept me on track to keep my mind focused, but clear of “my own issues.”

Once I had firmly decided to do this thing called creating space and learning meditation, and owned up to it like it was any other hobby, everything fell into place.   Now, when I need some time alone, I just grab my surround sound headphones….and my family understands. No apologies, no excuses, no guilt…and I can melt into 30 minutes without batting an eye.

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The famous French mathematician Blaise Pascal observed, “All man’s miseries derive from not being able to sit quietly in a room alone.”

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Even, if we have to first demand the “space,” from ourselves, and then later from our loved ones, that peace and quiet is essential to our well-being; and when it can deliver instant stress relief, recharge our batteries, and provide the perfect antidote to insomnia, all for minimal effort….Why not make the attempt?

 

Other Resources:

• A great book on resolving mental chatter is The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer.
• One of my favorite meditations by The Honest Guys (but there are several on YouTube)