The Allure of Presence (Part I)

Captivating…
Mesmerizing…
Inspirational…

Not an ad from an Oscar winning movie…but rather, some of the qualities used to describe someone who has “Presence.”

What is it about these individuals that make us want to revel in their presence, to network with them, to collaborate with them, or share our ideas openly with them?

Why is it that some people have these attributes and yet others, who are just as intelligent, just as motivated, just as caring do not evoke the same feelings in us?

Let’s explore the “undefinable qualities,” of these amazing individuals:

1.  They are engaged and engaging.
Ever notice that a person with presence has instant command of a room, even when he/she hasn’t uttered a single word? It’s the rapt attention that they offer to whoever is speaking.

One of the most powerful methods to get silent command of a room is offering the utmost attention to the speaker. Providing non-verbal cues such as eye contact, a smile or appropriate body language (leaning in), communicate to the speaker that “they are important.” So are key elements like avoiding unnecessary shifting around in the chair, and the viewing of personal devices.

Just providing this “responsiveness,” contributes more to the meeting than most others who are joining the same meeting. Most are lost in the reverie of their own daily challenges, the last conversation they had about something else, their own phone, etc.

If we can offer the speaker our full and undivided attention, he/she will be much more inclined to look directly at us, search our faces for acceptance, and even point blank, ask our opinion in lieu of all of the other half –participants and ask, “Roopal, what do you think of this approach?”

Everyone else will wonder about the speaker’s choice. It is a way of getting instant credibility…simply because we were tuned in.

2. They are good listeners.
This builds on the first item by adding that we should actually listen, not just feign interest in the presentation. Too often, conversations in meetings start because the attendees, who all have their own agendas, opinions, motivations, and incessant chatter in their head, are anxious to share their own brillance without hearing even one word the speaker has said!

The first step is to listen.   Then, it is important to ask questions based on what is heard, not just what is already in our mind that we are dying to share. We need to be more open to new ideas, communicative, and sincere so that we can offer genuine feedback to the speaker.

Even if we know the answer to a particular question, if it helps to convey a critical point further for the group, ask the question so that the speaker can elaborate in a way that accentuates that fact. They will appreciate the support (most likely, securing an invitation for the next discussion).

3. They have great attitudes, are pleasant, and respectful.
Good attitude starts with an open smile and a willingness to make each encounter a productive one. Those individuals who have “Presence,” typically walk into situations with an intention of being helpful. They want to be wherever they are, and they want to assist in resolving the issue.

Further to that is one simple fact:   people like nice people. That’s it. This is not to propose that we should restrain our objections to an issue or simply acquiesce, but rather do our best to be assertive and firm, while being polite and respectful. This way, the next time they disagree with our approach, they will offer us the same courtesy.

4. They seldom use foul language.
This one is tough to remember because our society accepts the use of foul language as not only as an expression of power but as an appropriate reaction in adverse situations. We all have moments where such parlance feels apt (I did after all grow up in NJ!), however, its’ supremacy is inflated. A random expletive may give a jarring effect once in a while, but over time, this will yield no fruitful results, especially in larger group meetings, so best to avoid the nasty habit.

Come back next week to check out the rest of the list including the single most important quality all individuals who have “presence,” are known to have. Also learn how you can give the gift of presence yourself.

Have a great week-end!